i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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