she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you will always have a special place in my vag
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
