I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
