If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
