Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
