I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the condom got lost in my hair
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
