oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
