So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
