I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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