Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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