it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
