Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
