let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
