i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
