Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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