i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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