Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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