I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
