allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
