You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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