Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
