i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
