He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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