Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wish I could teleport
"it" just moved
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
