you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
