You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
