what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
