Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
