I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
