I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize