its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
