Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He felt like a one man threesome
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
