Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
