I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
