Pants 0. Shit 1.
thus making me awesome and them whores
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
