Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
how does that bad decision feel?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
