I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize