Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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