I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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