Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
