His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
