a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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