You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
