This is not my ceiling
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
