I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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