Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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