dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize