I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize