What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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