I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
