just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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