Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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