you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize