My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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