Welp...herpes.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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