I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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