If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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