Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
