I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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