At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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