Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
