if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
