Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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