i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
