I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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