I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
