don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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